Moving from Self-Criticism to Self-Love
Maddi’s husband was unfaithful.
Autumn’s husband died unexpectedly.
Evelyn’s husband is alive and well -- she just didn’t want to stay in her marriage.
What do these women have in common? Each feels devastated, distraught and knocked off her center.
But there’s another common thread- as they navigated the loss of their relationships, they found themselves repeating self-destructive thoughts and felt paralyzed, unsure of what to do next.
If we pay attention, we can all hear these thoughts in our own heads. And while negative self-talk looks different for you, me, and the cashier who helped me this morning, there are some common themes many people share.
Today, I’m sharing 3 common self-criticisms and offering wisdom on how to shift these thoughts to serve our highest good.
1. “I’m all alone.”
No one can understand exactly what you are experiencing, but most can relate to the fog, depletion and sadness you feel. If you feel alone, surround yourself with people who lift you up and remind you that you are supported and loved.
Activation:
Pay attention to the people in your life who make you feel good right now. Write their names down. Now write down why each makes you feel better.
If you want to grow your network of supportive friends, there are so many people out there just waiting to connect with you. What in-person or online community can you be part of to surround yourself with people who encourage and motivate your healing and growth?
Tell your true story in the form of a repeatable mantra. An example might be “I am surrounded by people who support and encourage me, in good times and bad.”
2. “I don’t know how to start “___________.” (sorting my feelings, figuring out what to do next, following my heart, making different choices, etc.)
It’s valid to feel overwhelmed right now. When in doubt, talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend.
Activation:
Break down the areas that feel the most intimidating. Are uncomfortable feelings preventing you from making decisions? Share them with a friend. Are you nervous to make the wrong decision? Write down your options. Is there action that must be taken to move you forward? Take one small step towards it.
Start small. Set aside just 15 minutes to work on clarifying your next step, and then reward yourself for following through with it.
Tell your true story in the form of a repeatable mantra. An example might be “I’m in the process of figuring out the best way to start.”
3. “I should have done _______.”
What’s happened may be causing you considerable pain. When this happens, we look for things to control, and beat ourselves up emotionally over what we could have done differently. It sends a subtle self-message: “I did something wrong.”
Activation:
In reality, you likely did many things well. Identify and write down what those things are. Nourish your soul by focusing more on what you did right and less on what you think you should’ve done.
Can’t remember what you’ve done well? Ask that supportive person in your life who knows about your struggle. You can explain that you’re having a hard time finding anything you did right and ask for his or her help.
Tell your true story in the form of a repeatable mantra. An example might be “I did the best I could with what I had at the time.”
No matter what negative self-talk pops into our heads, we can choose gentleness and practice self-love with these activation tools.
Looking for more ideas to feel better?
Check out my free 10-Day Daily Dose of Nourishment for the Soul Series.
XO,